Circumstances Vs. Thoughts

Circumstances Vs. Thoughts

Something that I've been studying a little bit about lately is circumstances verses thoughts. One thing that I've struggled with for probably my whole life, is being a big fat complainer! ha ha. No one wants to be around a pity party especially if it's yourself! Anyway, it's something I've prayed to overcome for years. As I've been learning about circumstances verses thoughts over the past year or so, I've begun to be aware of my thought patterns (which lead to complaining) and start to change some of them.

So here's what I understand so far about it.

Circumstances
Circumstances are facts about our lives, or facts about a current situation or moment in time. They are things that we aren't directly in control of. They are things that can be proven in a court of law. They are factual and without opinion or emotion attached. They could be someone else's behavior, a diagnosis or illness, a conversation etc.
Here are some examples of circumstances:

My name is Marilee
I was born in Olympia, Washington
I am married to Brad
We have three children together
Two of our three children have GM1 Gangliosidosis
I live in Tucson, Arizona

Here are some more specific circumstances:

We are on summer break for 6 weeks
My husband and I are exchanging words
Evan is falling down an average of 15 times a day
Driving to work took 15 minutes longer than usual because of slower traffic
My toddler is lying on the floor kicking his legs and crying

Circumstances are always Neutral. They are never bad, good, happy, sad, positive or negative. They are always neutral. It's our thoughts about them that make them mean something good or bad.

Thoughts:

Thoughts are anything we are thinking about our circumstances. They are not necessarily true, although they feel true to us in the moment. We may have tons of evidence in our mind for why they are true. Some of the thoughts we have are empowering and make us feel peaceful and happy and other thoughts may be negative and bring about a different result.

The problem:

We sometimes think that our thoughts are facts. We think that our thoughts ARE the circumstance. We have a hard time taking the emotion and feeling out of the circumstance.

Good news:

We can choose to think whatever we want about our circumstances!!

So let's take the specific circumstances above and add some thoughts to them.

We are on summer break for 6 weeks

Thoughts: It is so difficult to get anything done when my kids are home all day. They are so bored and I have no time to myself. (I may think that these are facts or circumstances, but they are truly just thoughts and not necessarily true).
Thoughts: I am so lucky that I get to stay home with my kids during summer break and spend more time with them. They are so much fun to be around. (These thoughts feel much better to me)

My husband and I are exchanging words

Thoughts: It is so hard to communicate with each other. We never agree.
Thoughts: I'm so glad that my husband is talking to me about this. I wonder how I can show him that I truly understand where he is coming from? (I notice myself changing my thoughts right in the moment sometimes to more peaceful ones like these.)

Evan is falling down on the ground on average 15 times a day (this one seems like it for sure should be a negative circumstance, but it isn't it is just a fact. Circumstances are always neutral)

Thoughts: It is so sad that Evan falls all of the time. I wish he could walk and thrive like all of the other kids his age.
Thoughts: Isn't it great that I have a helmet, knee pads and bum pad for him to protect his body when he falls down? We are lucky and blessed to have a good walker and ankle braces for him, so that he can walk as long as he is able to.

See what I mean? This stuff has been so powerful for me to learn about. It's helped me to look at my life and realize that the circumstances in my life are all neutral. They are not good, bad, terrible, happy or whatever. It's what I make them mean, by the thoughts I choose to think about them, that truly makes them good, bad, happy or sad.

The podcast "Better Than Happy" by Jody Moore and the "Lifecoach School Podcast" by Brooke Castillo really dive in to this sort of psychology. They are fantastic!

Here are a few pictures from our life lately! The pics aren't really in order!

We went to a Wiggles Concert to make Evan's wish (to see them live) come true. So much fun!!

It was at UCLA. It was a very quick, but fun trip. Eli did pretty good, but was completely wiped out when we got back!

Laya turned 11!

She got a makeup kit from a friend. Brad loves it, can't you tell?

Laya also had her promotion from Elementary to Middle school. Maybe I'll post those pics later, they are on my nicer camera. It was an amazing program and very official. Laya is really excited to go to middle school.

This puzzle was so much fun to put together with Brad and Laya. It was so nice to do something other than watch TV. We worked on it for days, so I had to post a picture of it. :)

I performed and sang a set at the Pima County Fair. These are Eli and Evan's sweet bus drivers who came to support me!

Evan Graduated from Kindergarten! This is his teacher, Mrs. Beck. She taught all three of my children. We love her!

This was Evan's best friend in class. They told me that she loved to help him and play with him during class all year. He is sitting in his "throne" that they made for him.

These amazing ladies cared for Evan day in and day out. They figured out the genius way to attach his cap to his helmet!

So handsome!

Eli visited his old class during the last week of school. They were so surprised and happy to see Eli, that many of them were gasping with their jaws dropped in excitement (literally dropped) to see Eli. One girl even cried she was so happy to see him.